Cooked by TFW: Cinnamon Marshmallow Puffs
IT FINALLY HAPPENED!!!! I bided my time and have officially shirked any sort of editorial oversight! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
What actually happened: Coaches LA and Mike Jennings are back in Florida for the holidays and Coach LA has given me admin access to the website. This was the plan months ago but it’s been a busy 2017 for everyone at TFW.
But let’s pretend I’ve finally overthrown Coach LA’s faux-dictatorship that has prevented me from giving y’all the unhealthy recipes! Bacon fat for EVERYONE!!!!
Except for you, Chad… Chads don’t deserve nice things! Chads will never deserve nice things! #SayNoToChads
To celebrate my new unchecked, inevitably-corruptible powers – and not necessarily the December holidays, because we all know I don’t do traditional holidays – this week’s recipe is a fun dessert to share with your family or whoever you are spending the final days of 2017 with. I made 2 dozen of these bad boys for a December 24 Dinner with my lawyer friends, and they were a big hit.
But real quick… what ARE y’all doing for the December 25 holiday? Where did you go? Who did you see? Me? As the kids these days say I’m “living my best life.” My roommate has been at her parents’ house since Saturday, leaving me home alone with our collective 4 dogs… actually… FIVE dogs!!! I’m watching my ex-girfriend’s dog, who is Rosco’s BFF, and the three of us have spent the entire weekend plus the start of this week piled together in my bed as I binge watch The Leftovers on HBO. Y’all… can we discuss The Leftovers? This is what happens when I don’t have to send my posts to Coach LA. I mean, she has never censored anything I’ve written, but how fun is it to pretend I have some new “extra” control over this blog?
So anyway… The Leftovers. I tried getting into this show back when it first aired in 2014, but I wasn’t ready for it… spiritually… The final season just aired this past Spring, so I finally decided to give it another chance. Y’all… While you’ve been holed up with your less-than-exciting-if-you’re-really-honest-with-yourself family, either fake celebrating the birth of a barn baby y’all’s president currently wouldn’t even let into this country or giving credit to the Willy Wonka of Toys (like, let’s really think about this: Does Santa even pay his elves? In my quest to make this the longest, most offensive sentence in Cooked By TFW history, I’ma go ahead and say your Xmas Bae – if he existed – benefits from slave labor!) for the gifts you bought with your hard-earned cash, I am – say it with me, kids – VERSA… wait… “Living My Best Life” watching this dope “Was it the Rapture?” TV show. 2% of the global population just up and disappears one day. Zero explanation. Was it the rapture? And there is this weird cult called The Guilty Remnant, they do some pretty bonkers stuff. Season 2 takes place in a small town in Texas where they had zero people disappear… and yo… the show is dope. I’ve spent over 200 words talking about it… 88 of those were tossing shade at your probably-racist-and-or-most-likely-trash family members. I read a really interesting article about whether we grow out of going home for the holidays and it really resonated with me… Shout out to my mom, The Notorious C-Role-G, who now reads this blog religiously and calls me out any time I mention family members. I’ma hear an earful about all the family-shade I’ve thrown the last two weeks.
The TL;DR of that last paragraph is: Watch The Leftovers. It’s only three 10-episode seasons long.
Back to this week’s recipe. I call them “Cinnamon Marshmallow Puffs.” Other people call them other things… read their blogs to find out their names. As I said earlier, I made 24 of them, but I’ll show you how to go about making 8, because that’s how many come in your standard tube of croissant/crescent (remember that debate back in July?) dough. So who’s ready to impress your you-only-like-them-out-of-a-false-sense-of-obligation family members before returning to your regular life in 2018? LET’S GO!
One last asside before we hop into the recipe: I’m writing this while jamming out to Sturgill Simpson… His cover of Nirvana’s “In Bloom” is one of the dopest songs I’ve heard in a long long time. Go check it out… along with The Leftovers… Yo, and Rick and Morty, too! I need a blog about all the things I’m watching/listening to… hmmmmm…
1 Can of 8 Croissant/Crescent Rolls
8 Large Marshmallows
“Melted Butter” I use quotations because I’m about to revolutionize the game. Get the “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter” spray… Less mess, less butter, streamlined assembly. You’re welcome!
3-4 Tablespoons of Sugar
2-3 Tablespoons of Cinnamon
1. Mix the cinnamon and sugar together in a bowl. It’s a real “choose your own destiny” situation about the ratio you use. Some folks like more sugar than cinnamon, but you’re an adult… follow you heart. Preheat your oven to 350º while you’re at it.
2. Here’s the trick to this… designate one of your hands as the “Butter Hand.” Grab a marshmallow in your BH, give it a spritz with your butter spray, then dip it in your cinnamon-sugar mix. Then, place it in the right angle of the croissant/crescent triangle and roll it up. Be sure to pinch the seams to keep the marsh trapped in there. Another spritz of butter, and dip in the mix again. This is why you have a “designated butter hand” (also… gross): as you make these, you need less butter for subsequent marshmallows/dough. Work smarter, not greasier. Place each completed puff on either a baking sheet or in a muffin tray. I use a muffin tray.
3. Once you have all 8 completed, pop them in the oven for 12-15 minutes. When you take them out, the marshmallow will have melted inside the dough. Some will explode and that’s okay. Let them cool for two minutes before transferring them from the baking sheet/muffin tray.
And there you have it! Enjoy these! Your friends and loved ones will enjoy them. You all will rejoice together! And then next holiday season you can celebrate me with your barn baby and Toy Willy Wonka! Bruh… this got dark… HAPPY HOLIDAYS! Make sure to share you attempts on all the social medias using the hashtag #CookedByTFW. And – as always – thank me in the morning!