Cooked By TFW: FIIIIIIIIIIIIINALLY!!!!

Y'ALL!!!! IT'S HAPPENING!!!! Kiss and hold your loved ones tightly because it's actually happening!!! After two failed attempts, bah gawd, it. is. HAPPENING!!!!! Folks… We're making a delicious jackfruit meal this week! It was worth the wait, y'all… speaking of waiting…

This week's meandering ramblings! First and foremost, a lot happened this weekend… So much happened, I had to take notes for all the rambling I wanted to do this week so I didn't forget anything. So much happened,  when I told Coach L.A. Monday at the gym that I started taking notes on everything I wanted to ramble about today, she kinda gave me a dirty look and suggested I get my own blog for the superfluous pre-recipe banter… I laughed; this is what happens when I take full control of the blog! I'm drunk with power! 

Coach L.A. will be happy to know I actually trimmed down all that I wanted to say because Tuesday night, even more happened that actually relates to this week's recipe! More on that in a moment. First, some quick hits: 

So now… Sunday was an eventful day. There was that football game – with one of the worst halftime shows of all time – that luckily ended in the Patriots (and Tom Brady specifically) losing. But I'm not here to talk about that… well, other than the surprise trailer for the new Cloverfield movie (THAT CAME OUT IMMEDIATELY AFTER THE GAME!) dropped during the first half. Don't get me started on my love for the Cloverfield franchise. 2007-08 Tym went deeeeeeeeeeep down the rabbit hole of all the Alternate Reality marketing for that movie… I found the vlog for the girl passed out on the couch and the Slusho flavor mixing game… deep down the rabbit hole… Go watch The Cloverfield Paradox on Netflix right now!

"I have dreamed a dream . . . but now that dream is gone from me" - Morpheus, The Matrix: Reloaded

"I have dreamed a dream . . . but now that dream is gone from me" - Morpheus, The Matrix: Reloaded

My big news from Sunday is some of the saddest news I've ever had to share: Y'all… Costco stopped selling the two-packs of 33.5 oz jars of Nutella, hands down the best per-ounce deal you'll find on 'tella. Instead, they've started selling their own Kirkland Signature hazelnut spread. Same size, but $4 cheaper than Nutella. Of course, I bought a pack… for review purposes, naturally! On first bite, I was disappointed. I instantly could taste the difference and I didn't quite like it; it was this weird, extra hazelnutty aftertaste and the not-as-smooth-as-the-real-stuff texture. I mean, I didn't hate it. $8 for 2.2 lbs of knockoff Great Value 'tella? I'm too broke to be too picky. But it still shattered my heart a little. I'm making my way through the second jar as I type up this week's post, and I honestly have acclimated to the new taste. So I guess I'll live, y'all… I guess I will live… Still breaks my heart.

So, finally, let's get to this week's recipe… You know what's crazy? It almost didn't happen… AGAIN! I wasn't able to go to Whole Foods for my can of jackfruit until after the gym Tuesday night. And when I got there, to my dismay, I discovered that they were out of stock and had been for the last 6 months. They called another store, who was also out of stock… Jeff Bezos needs to get this figured out, and quick, y'all! "This can't be [bleep]ing happening," I thought to myself. "Not again… Three weeks in a row?!" 

Y'all! H Mart got four different brands of canned jackfruit and all of them are $2 cheaper than Whole Foods. #SayNoToChadsAndJeffBezos

Y'all! H Mart got four different brands of canned jackfruit and all of them are $2 cheaper than Whole Foods. #SayNoToChadsAndJeffBezos

Have no fear, fight family! I raced to my local H Mart 10 minutes before it closed and found canned jackfruit for a fraction of the price I was paying at Whole Foods. Shout out to H Mart employee of the century, Sylvia, for the assist. You saved lives, girl! We all thank you!

This week's recipe can feed 3-4 people, so invite your friends over and watch The Cloverfield Paradox together while enjoying some delicious and – say it with me, kids – VERSATILE vegan grub! The way I'm going to show you how to make it today is as a burrito, but what makes it versatile is that you could eat it as a sandwich or a bowl, or if you make it as a burrito, you can eat it plain or smother it; the spices are a "choose your own destiny" situation, too! I'm excited to hear what y'all put in yours! Originally, I was going to make my tortillas from scratch, but that would be showing off. Plus, this meal is supposed to be quick and easy. Plus… I'm just too dang tired…

So without further ado, and after much anticipation… LET'S LEARN HOW TO COOK OUR FIRST REAL MEAL OF 2018!!!!!!!!!!

 

Ingredients

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  • 1 can of young jackfruit
  • 1 can of black beans
  • 1 onion (white or sweet; it's your call… follow your heart)
  • 1 lime
  • 1 tomato
  • garlic (I used a whole bulb, but we know I like garlic. Use at least 3 cloves)
  • chopped mango (optional)
  • 3-4 burrito tortillas (I seriously was going to show y'all how to make them from scratch? 2018: the year of being "extra")
  • based on how sweet/spicy you want it, 1/2 to 3/4 teaspoon of the following:
    • thyme
    • cumin
    • ground mustard
    • red pepper flakes
    • nutmeg
    • ginger
    • cinnamon
    • black pepper
    • chili powder
    • paprika
    • brown sugar
    • (honestly… I said it's "choose your own destiny" and I mean it. This is just the stuff I tossed in there and it came out pretty dang hot.)
  • salt to taste

Directions

1. Get to Preppin'. Chop your onion into slivers. Dice your garlic. Cut your tomato into quarters and toss in a food processor. Drain and rinse your can of jackfruit and toss it into the food processor with the tomato. Half the lime laterally, squeeze the juice from one half into the food processor, too. Drain and rinse your beans and set them aside. 

2. Trust the Process. Add your dry seasonings to the food processor. Learn from my mistake: Don't blend up the tomato and jackfruit too much. You want it to look like shredded/pulled meat… not too diced up like I had.

I processed it too much… like a Chad. 

I processed it too much… like a Chad. 

3. And then the fun begins. In a medium skillet, add a little oil (for this week's recipe, instead of using my trusty cooking spray, I used about a teaspoon of my December holiday gift from Food Bae Breigh [who is living the good life in Thailand this month], which was this delicious sage-infused olive oil), over medium heat and sauté the jackfruit mix for about 15-20 minutes, stirring occasionally. Pro Tip: about halfway through, add 1/3 cup of water and let it cook off.

While the jackfruit is cooking, in a small saucepan over medium-high heat, add a little oil and sauté the garlic and onions for a few minutes until the onions become translucent. Add the beans and about 1/4 cup of water, squeeze in the other half of the lime with a pinch of salt, and let that cook for 10ish minutes, stirring occasionally.

4. Build your burrito. Heat your tortillas however you feel comfortable doing so (stove or microwave), then transfer to a plate. Add your beans first, then your jackfruit, followed by your chopped mangos (if you used them) and maybe some fresh cilantro. We've all been to chipotle, right? We've watched them roll our burritos; follow their method. You can top your burrito with cheese, or green chili, or salsa (which I did for this meal… technically, it's picante sauce) and ENJOY!

And there you have it! Our first real meal of the new year, and it's vegan! (You see that, Scott? These are the things I do for you! #ShootingShotsForScott2018) Be sure to share you attempts at this delicious meal on all the social medias using the hashtag #CookedByTFW. And – as always – thank me in the morning! Or… curse me in the morning when you accidentally make it too spicy. Welcome to 2018 meals!

Tym Gooden