Cooked by TFW: The Veggie Spiralizer

SURPRISE! After last week’s stunt… nay… power play, I still have my gig as resident fight camp chef! But – also SURPRISE – I don’t have a recipe this week. What I do have for you is a new, relatively cheap cooking tool to add to your kitchen arsenal: The Veggie Spiralizer. Before I hop into how this thing will revolutionize your life, can we all agree that this is a ridiculous name? Spiralizer. It’s the only word my computer puts a red line under where I’m like, “I feel you, Hal…” (I’m going to preemptively weep at how few of you caught the 2001: A Space Odyssey reference). Why not at least Spiraler? I mean, I wouldn’t even have the world “spiral” in it… If anything, you’re noodle-fying the veg… You know what, I’ve said too much about this already.

Anyway, hi… get yo’self a vegetable spiralfication device. And here’s why:

We all love pasta, it’s in The Constitution; I’m a lawyer… trust me, it is. But sometimes we find ourselves in a little thing called Fight Camp, or maybe we’re just dieting because it’s pool season and you’re trying to make folks jealous and/or interested. Maybe you’re allergic to wheat or the most notorious element on the periodic table, Glutonium… (Gluten, folks… learn to laugh!) For whatever reason, you can’t have the carb-filled deliciousness that is flour-based pasta, but all the cool kids are on a pasta craze and you don’t want to odd ball out. Boom, The Veggie Noodler (I can see Coach LA proofreading this and half-laughing, half-cursing my name because me actively workshopping a new name for this thing in my post is going to confuse somebody about what it’s actually called) is here to save the day. Enjoy your pasta with the cool kids without contaminating your body with Glutonium.


In all seriousness, replacing flour-based noodles doesn’t mean you have to give up all noodled-based meals. I only recently purchased my Veggie Stringulator, but I’m thinking of all the fun meals I can make for this recipe series in between my bacon fat, Coach-LA-is-gonna-kill-me meals. As you can see in this week’s group of pictures, I made Chicken Parmesan with zucchini noodles underneath. More meals to come!

There are a handful of Veggie Linguinifizers out there on the market. I got mine for only $10 at Bed Bath and Beyond. It’s considered a “Hand Spiralizer” because, guess what you use to turn the vegetable? During my research of these things, I constantly saw the complaint “If you’re trying to use it for harder vegetables, like carrots and sweet potatoes, you’ll need to use a lot of strength.” One blog I found said “my wrist hurt after two zucchinis.” I audibly said “GOOD THING WE’RE A GYM FULL BIG STRONG BEASTS!”

…and then my roommate told me to stop screaming because it’s after midnight…

Point being… hand spiralizers are the cheapest on the market and make you strong, so it’s a double win. There are more expensive, hand crank ones as well as attachments for your stand mixers, if you’re lucky to have one of those. Follow your heart, but of course, I will mildly judge you if you get anything other than the simple hand spiralizer.

Once you have one, you can prepare your noodles in a handful of ways: sauté, roast, boil, EVEN MICROWAVE… whatever that is… I sautéed my zucchini noodles (the internet calls them “zoodles,” and I refuse… I smacked the internet on nose with a newspaper and said “BAD INTERNET!”) for my chicken parm dish. I have a recipe in mind for a future post where I will test out roasted zucchini noodles and report back.

For now though, find yourself a Veggie Noodtensil for cheap and toss out all your flour-based spaghetti pasta immediately! Take that Big Pasta™.

LA Jennings