Cooked by TFW: Rice 101

Howdy, kids! It is I – Six Finger Tym (one of my biggest pet peeves in life is being called “Six Fingered Tym” or, as I’m often called during fights, “Tym Six Fingers Gooden.” It’s Six Finger Tym… Three separate words… Nobody needs to know my last name) – the culinary demigod here to reveal a deep dark secret:

I have a major hole in my cooking repertoire. A hole so glaring, that if I was genetically capable of feeling ashamed, I would right now. But I’ve done my research and today’s post can be a teaching moment for you…

[dramatic pause]

…and for me. We can teach each other and learn… together.

What is this flaw in an otherwise infallible catalog of recipes? Bruh… I suck at cooking rice. I’m terrible at it. Like, legit bad…

Back in my college days, I had my mom, aka Mamma Fingers, aka C-Role-G, sit me down and teach me her ways. And for a time, it was passable. College Tym was sloppy AF and had low standards in the kitchen (and the bedroom… confession: I once kissed a girl who was going to USF. The enemy… I’ve never been so ashamed). I didn’t know any better.

Since joining the gym, my cooking skills have leveled up, but my rice-cooking never improved. What made it even worse is I switched over from white to brown rice, and – unbeknownst to me – there are different cooking methods to the two.

But here we are! We know better now. I am we. We are me.

Here is what I learned during my research:

There are three main types of rice: short-grain white, long-grain white, and brown rice. The best-known difference between white and brown rice is that brown is a little healthier. Getting a little more technical with it, white rice is just brown rice stripped of bran and germ. We’ll get into more detail about this later, but because brown rice still has all it’s good parts, it takes significantly longer to cook.

I’m just coming back from a weekend vacation in Madison, Wisconsin, where I ate so much fried cheese curds, I’ve leaked about a pound of oil out my butt and my intestines have been singing the saddest tune all day, so let’s just hop into the cooking techniques so I can go die in the bathroom… Hashtag: Worth It Tho. Hashtag: YOLO

Ingredients

  • 1 Cup of Rice
  • 1 Tablespoon of Butter
  • A Pinch of Salt
  • Roughly a Cup of Water.

Actually, let’s break that down here in the ingredients instead of the actual directions. Okay? OKAY!

So, as we (as in me… or I… ugh… why do I make so many jokes only I find funny? [because it’s my cooking blog and we’re all living in it]) said earlier, there are three main types of rice. Each one requires a different amount of water:

For Long-Grain White Rice, you’ll need 2 Cups of water for every 1 Cup of rice. Short-Grain White Rice, 1.25 Cups water for every Cup of rice. Brown Rice, 1.75 Cups for 1 Cup.

You could also substitute the water with a broth, veggie, beef, chicken. It doesn’t matter. Adjust your salt and butter though if you go with broth though.

Directions

1. Prep yo grains to maximize you gains. This is optional, but it helps make lighter, fluffier rice. Give your rice a thorough rinsing to remove the extra starch.

2. Get to cooking. Toss your rice, water, butter, and salt into a pot, put the lid on, and cook it over high heat until the water boils. Drop the heat to simmer, and here’s our next difference in the rices:


Long-Grain White Rice will simmer for 18 minutes.

Short-Grain White Rice will simmer for 15 minutes.

Brown Rice will simmer for 45 minutes. Them bran and germs, y’all… they’ll get you every time.

PRO TIP: This actually isn’t a Pro Tip. It’s a hard rule… Let’s try this again…


HARD RULE: DO NOT REMOVE THE LID UNTIL THE VERY DAMN END. ARE WE CLEAR?!

3. Let it steam. Once you’ve simmered your rice for the appropriate amount of time, remove it from the heat, but do not remove the lid yet. Let it sit for another 5-10 minutes; this will allow the rice to steam and get nice and fluffy. Once you’ve let it sit, THEN you can remove the lid, you impatient fools*

And there you have it! We’ve gone back to the basics this week to really master our rice skills. If you want to fancy it up a little, sauté some diced onion and garlic, then toss in your rice and let it toast for a little before you cook it. Y’all get a full recipe post in just under 800 words… a miracle! Be sure to share you now-perfected rice dishes on social media, using the hashtag #CookedByTFW, and –as always – thank me in the morning!

*You guys aren’t fools. Well, except you, Joshua… You know why… 

LA Jennings